Midnight train to Canada

November 8, 2012





8:38 p.m., Tuesday night and I have clicked the refresh button on my computer screen at least 50 times in the last five seconds.


I always forget that watching the incoming presidential votes is like watching all of your favorite television shows, the Super Bowl and reading the climax of an Agatha Christie novel all rolled into one big emotional cathartic shebang.


Casting my vote, my first in a presidential election, was gratifying and I felt like a real man.


I drove home to Choudrant, blaring the Dixie Chicks [not played with political motivations; I just like “Landslide,”] waiting for this day to come ever since I was a small child.


I voted with all the pride I could muster and then drove back to Ruston to start watching the incoming votes.


With a few detours throughout the day to the wonderful community of Facebook, I saw that many people from this area might not be with us anymore.


I am not a statistician but I would estimate around 80 percent of my friends on Facebook [around 400], may or may not be moving to Canada.


Usually the Facebook status read like: “If [fill in candidate of choice] wins the election, I am packing my bags and taking off to Canada.”


You never hear people say if the candidate they least desire to win becomes president, then they are going to move to sunny locations like Portugal, Greece or Italy.


Personally, I would love to move somewhere with a low crime rate like Iceland or ultra-hip Japan.


Canada just seems like such a bland country to move to, and if the move is only out of spite, this would only make matters worse.


10:28 p.m. now. I am writing out a pros and cons list for Canada. I do not want to move, even though I have heard it is cooler there and I am always the fan of cold weather. I can easily get over-heated.


On the list of pros is Alanis Morrisette of “Jagged Little Pill,” Ellen Page, Michael Cera, Margaret Atwood, cold weather and Toronto. On the list of cons is Alanis Morrisette, post “Jagged Little Pill,” “Degrassi: The Next Generation” and a healthcare system that resembles the same kind people are wanting to run away from here in the United States …


11:25 p.m. I am alone at The Tech Talk. The lab is very empty and reflects the loneliness I will feel if I step outside, because everyone is planning on leaving or may be gone by now.


Oh wait! Moving to Canada may prove hard for some people, as you must apply for your passport a few months in advance, and this is not even including getting your citizenship changed.


I wonder what kind of questions they ask on their exam. Are they of Ellis Island difficulty?


11:50 p.m. I have just come to the realization that instead of actually going to Canada, most people are just going to Facebook, which is something healthcare can never solve. How important do we really think our opinions are?


Whatever patriotism I had earlier in the day, flowing in my veins like a shot of espresso, it got buzz-killed by all the Facebook departure notices and ignorant responses to the election. It made me dwell on how social media is something healthcare can never solve. Everyone is so concerned about our country being taken over, being in debt to China and lessening values. We do not have to worry about being conquered though. We are destroying ourselves from the inside out through ignorance and social media is purporting just that. Don’t leave America, just leave Facebook.


12:00 a.m. I log off.


Patrick Boyd is a senior English and journalism major from Choudrant who serves as editor for The Tech Talk. Email comments to gpb009@latech.edu.


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