FacebookTwitterRSS

Dear Santa: a college student’s wish list

December 18, 2014

 

SEXTON

SEXTON

CODY SEXTON
Managing Editor

 

Dear Santa,

 

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve written to you.

 

I think the last time I did was when I was five. I asked for a complete set of the Power Ranger action figures (thanks for coming in clutch with each Ranger’s corresponding Zords, by the way).

 

However, I come to you once again in hopes that my selflessness for not asking for anything for the past two decades has racked up a fair amount of good karma points.

 

My silence has been due to a combination of my parents stepping up their present game and those vicious rumors that you are not real. But recent events like Aaron Carter’s return to music has shown me Christmas miracles exist.

 

This year Santa, I come as a college student on the cusp of graduating asking for a few simple things.

 

First, I would like an insulin pump for the purpose of mainlining caffeine directly into my blood stream. This will help with my remaining all-nighters.

 

Second, a magical wardrobe (not like the portal to Narnia, clothing) that will always fit and shape itself to the manic highs and lows my bodyweight has been subjected to.

 

Next Santa, I would like prosthetics for the missing limbs I have had to auction off on the Black Market to pay for school books I use no more than three times a quarter.

 

Also, I would like for Netflix to add either “Big Bang Theory” or “Friends” to their show lineup so when I’m so overwhelmed with work I just quit, I’ll have something good to watch.

 

Fifth, (I’m almost done, Santa. I promise) I would like for hackers to use their powers for good. Instead of leaking nude photos of beloved movie stars, can they instead crash the servers of the federal student loan offices? That’d be swell.

 

And last, but not least Santa, I would like assurances from you that upon graduating I get a job using the degree for which I have worked. Please Santa, I ask this one big favor. God forbid I am unable to find employment and am forced back into the service industry. I would rather be subjected to the CIA’s rectal feeding (oh, excuse me “allegedly”) than wait tables again.

 

Happy Holidays!

 

Cody

 

Cody Sexton is a senior journalism major from Seattle, who serves as Managing Editor for the Tech Talk. 

Share

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *