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Cruzin’ for a losin’

March 26, 2015

 

CODY SEXTON
Managing Editor

 

Where did Ted Cruz even come from?

SEXTON

SEXTON

 

Canada obviously, but I mean why is he suddenly everywhere? He is a first-term senator with a questionable citizenship, whose greatest accomplishment thus far is helping cause a government shutdown over a health insueance policy that he is now covered by. And despite having all the popularity of Iggy Azalea at the BET Awards, he has decided to run for president.

 

My initial thought, in mild curiosity, was can he do that? I mean it is one thing to let Arnold Schwarzenegger be governor of California, because when he campaigned a second time, we would get to hear him say, “I’ll be back.” But what comedic value is Cruz bringing to the table?

 

My second thought, which mingled with utter annoyance was, imagine all of the people who caused such an uproar over the status of President Obama’s citizenship supporting Cruz who was clearly born in Canada.

 

Where was Donald Trump offering to pay millions for proof that Cruz could legally run for president? And why is it not making headlines that no matter what he did later in life, Cruz’s father, Rafael, fought alongside Fidel Castro?

 

I was halfway through trying to put together how a man born in Canada to an Irish-American and a Cuban immigrant could be opposed to immigration reform before I realized I, and my fellow Louisianans, owe Cruz such a muffin basket of thanks.

 

It’s only a matter of time before Bobby Jindal announces his plans to run for president and when that happens it will shine an unwanted light on the state of Louisiana. Thankfully, people care about Cruz just slightly more than they do Jindal, so as long has Cruz continues to make public criticisms about single mothers, speaking like Ned Flanders and ignoring science, Louisiana should come out of 2016 essentially unscathed.

 

I’m not worried about Cruz. Not near as much as he should be about Yoko Ono suing him because his speech at Liberty University sounded like it was grossly inspired by a beloved John Lennon song.

 

He will not follow in the footsteps of our founding fathers as president. Ted Cruz will be nothing more than 2016’s Sarah Palin.

 

Cody Sexton is  a senior journalism major from Oak Harbor, Washington, who serves as managing editor and entertainment editor for the Tech Talk. Email comments to cls068@latech.edu.

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