May 7, 2008

by KC Ifeanyi

Well kids, we’ve come to end of the road – this is my final column.

Typically, in true Tech Tech fashion, the outgoing editor-in-chief (in this case me), goes on a long spiel of thank yous, lessons learned and uncertain futures that will turn out just fine in the end.

I could relate inside jokes about newsroom mishaps and adventures involving such colorful characters named Flora Belle, Nash Bridges, Ukrainian Ghetto, M&M, Hodge-Podge, Sugar-Tits, etc….

But I’m not a sentimental kind of guy so we’ll just skip all that this go round.

I would like to extend a brief thank you to you, dear reader. I have to admit there were times when I thought, “Why am I working so hard on this paper? No one reads it anyway.” However, you have proved me wrong with a steady flow of feedback, comments, questions and suggestions, and for that I thank you.

Anyone who knows me knows I’m not a sensitive person in the least. I’ve been called everything from bitter to jaded to a downright cold-hearted bastard. While I’m not exactly refuting these claims, for there is an element of cynicism embedded in my heart, I am capable of feelings, thank you very much, because right now I do feel a pang of something – perhaps it’s regret.

Regret that this is indeed my last column even though I have still oodles of topics left to give my spin on, such as why elevators are awkward places, finding out who Lemoine Ford is, the mystery of “KC curls,” why the smell of Bicardi Limon makes me utterly nauseated – I assure you, the list could go on for quite some time.

Even though I won’t be able to give my oh-so-chipper commentary on such topics, what I can leave you with are little tidbits of general advice. I would call them words of wisdom, but who are we fooling here – me, wise?

? Embrace awkward moments; they’re quite humorous once the shame and humiliation dies down.

? Smile a lot; it makes people nervous.

? If you have a particularly profound and lucid thought, write it down immediately before you forget.

? Gentlemen, wear boxers – briefs kill your sperm.

? Ladies, if you like a guy, let him know right away and skip the coy games – everyone wins in the end.

? Don’t eat sushi at a Mexican restaurant; it’s just not natural.

? Coffee is good, tastier at night, but tea will make you feel better than all right.

? Read magazines, journals, books, etc….it makes you look smart and you might learn a fancy word or two.

? Cookies are a sometimes food.

? Learn random trivia; you’ll be the life of the party and a definite phone-a-friend on any game show.

? It’s OK not to live your life like there’s no tomorrow; that would be too exhausting.

? Power walk – you get all the intensity of running minus strained joints.

? Don’t limit your urge to bust a groove to the clubs – the world is your dance floor.

? Feel free to talk to strangers; just don’t get in their van.

? Do NOT slow down at speed bumps – it’s what they expect you to do.

? And finally, you can, and sometimes should, burn bridges; just don’t walk that way again.

So as I, the “mad black man,” close the pages of my proverbial diary, I would like to say thank you, good luck, good night and goodbye.

KC Ifeanyi is a senior journalism major from Manhattan, Kan., who serves as editor-in-chief of The Tech Talk. E-mail comments to kni002@latech.edu.