FROM THE SPORTS DESK: Sports wish list fantasies

April 29, 2010

by Justin Phillips

Have you ever had a dream so realistic, you found yourself debating about whether or not it was reality? It happens to me often. Luckily, there is usually a signal of some sort that reminds me I’m dreaming.

Whether it’s a dog walking by with a hat on or my car parked outside of my apartment window morphs into a Lamborghini, at some point I notice a small detail which lets me know I’m off in la-la land. This week, after a long stress-filled day, I had a doozey of a sports dream. It went something like this…
I walked into the Student Center and approached the counter at Chick-fil-A. I got my usual order.

As I reached to pull my wallet out of my pocket, I dropped my cell phone and bent to pick it up. While kneeling, I looked to my right and saw a dog walking toward the exit with a top hat on.
Holy crap, I thought. I’m dreaming.

As I stood up, to hand over my debit card to pay for the order, the worker who took my order was now juggling dozens of burgers and sodas in the air while people stood around applauding.

This is a weird turn, I thought. While juggling, she processed my card information and slid the receipt for me to sign across the counter with her foot.
The receipt was in the shape of a long scroll and on top of the paper were the words “Your sports wish list.”

It was blank, and covered with dozens of open spaces for me to
write. I looked up at the worker. Now she was playing a violin.
Go for it, she said. What are the sports things you want the most?

I took the sheet of paper, stepped back and fell directly onto a giant bean bag chair in the middle of the Student Center. I took a pen out and started writing.

My sports wish list:

– A guarantee the Saints will win the Super Bowl again this coming season.

– Jerry Jones decides to take apart the Cowboys franchise and turns the new stadium and its million dollar jumbo screen over the field into the most expensive drive-in movie theater ever.

– For former LSU Tiger Jamarcus Russel and Ryan Leaf to grace the cover of a special edition of the Madden video game and for that particular edition to be called “The worst video game ever.”
Every team’s roster will be filled with the worst players to ever wear their uniforms in the history of the franchises.

– A chance to walk across the stage during the NFL draft and get one of those awesome man-hugs from commissioner Roger Goodell.

Also, I would like to cry when they call my name and have the chance to scream “Show me the money” into the camera.

– The ability to schedule UFC fights between Lebron James and Kobe Bryant and Dennis Rodman and Ron Artest. And, yes, weapons will be made available to either combatant.

– The chance to sit Charles Barkley down and provide him with an English tutor. Also, Magic Johnson and Emmit Smith will be cordially invited to the tutoring session as well.

– Bring the “MonStars” back from the movie “Space Jam” and actually put them in a game against NBA players to see who would win.

– A major price reduction in stadiums all around the country for hot dogs and beverages.

Justin Phillips is a senior journalism from Alexandria who serves as the sports editor for The Tech Talk. E-mail comments to jbp019@latech.edu